So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
