never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize