I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I have already put on my inside pants.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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