i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I have aggressive nipples.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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