brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
