I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
