They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
