he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
