so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
