you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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