my room smells like sperm. sweet.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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