omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
