if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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