Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
