Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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