the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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