I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
