I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
