my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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