I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
