ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
