ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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