I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
