I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
