There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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