By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize
