Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
