I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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