I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
whose parrot is this?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
