So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
