you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
