thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
