Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
