I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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