Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
my liver is dry heaving
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
