THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
