Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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