yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
