Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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