My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
