does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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