also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
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No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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