Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
