yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
