you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
