every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
