She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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