You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
