I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
