I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
