I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
