...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
