Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
