Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
