I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
