he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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