i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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