She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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