i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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